May the next year see the piles of Mob Penguin corpses raise into the skies.
This is our first year in open confrontation with the mafia, and I can only say the the war seems to be going our way at the moment. But we cannot rest on our laurels my friends. This is just the beginning, and we have only woken the giant. Now it is time to bring it to its knees and separate its abominable head from its degenerate body.
May the rivers of mob penguin blood run deep!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Crimborg Goeth
Great work noble warriors the Crimborg threat has been nullified. Resistance was NOT futile. We demon spawn have be sent back to the depths from whence they came. But let us not rest on our laurels. The exponentially greater threat of the penguin mafia looms overhead. Now is the time to raise you swords or C.B.F.G.s in resistance to their wicked ways!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Borg Cometh!
Gather to the mountains Noble warriors! The Crimborg have infested a quite canyon there. Let the Crimborg slaying begin. May the rivers of borg oil run deep!
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Thats no moon!
There is wickedness rearing its ugly head on the horizons my friends. Join The Alliance to stop the Crimborg, and put an end to this malicious threat once and for all!
Monday, December 3, 2007
The Battle of Ethermopylat - By Penguin Overlord
We gave ZeroFive1 the greatest honor of the AMPS--we set him on a funeral pyre and burned him. While his body went up in flames, Kuthulazrah stepped up in front of the crowd of crusaders and said, "In the great book of St. Boris it is written:
'The death that a Crusader meets with at home is censurable. Death on one's bed at home is highly sinful. The man who casts away his bod in battle obtains great glory. He is no man who dies miserably weeping in pain, afflicted by disease and decay, in the midst of crying kinsmen.'
Our Noble and valiant Zerofive1 has met his end on the fields of glory slaying the vile mob penguins and earning himself a place among the chosen at the Fiddlers' Green. May Jick rest his soul."
After the funeral, Mob Penguin Soprano called me on the phone and asked me to come quickly to the Valley of Ethermopylat, due to a situation developing there. I excused myself from the other knights, and traveled there with Al Capone.
The Valley of Ethermopylat is a valley beyond the Valley beyond the Orc Chasm. About 7,000 Rebel Penguins were gathered there, including 300 Penguins of one of my most brilliant generals, Penguidas I.
Penguidas I came up to me and said, "Il Mob Santo has gathered forces near here and is marching towards Mt. McLargeHuge. We built a large wall of Grimacite to block their arrival in the north, so they will be forced to attack from the East, a heavily defensible area. There, the defenses are so strong that their numbers will count for nothing. Their arrival should be soon; we need to prepare to fight."
As soon as Penguidas finished speaking, a horn blew in the distance. It was not an AMPS call, or a Special Forces call. I knew then that it must be Il Mob Santos!
I rallied the penguins, and all was ready. I shouted toward the army, "You are soldiers of Loathing! You will stand your ground, whatever comes through the pass of the East. Remember, this is a sword-day, a red day, ERE THE SUN RISES!!"
The Rebel Penguins roared, and we then saw an attack force of 10,000 Santo Penguins charging towards us.
Despite the fact that we were outnumbered greatly, we fought gloriously. Penguidas I in particular blasted every Santo Penguin that got in his way. Several times he risked his own life to save Rebel Penguins who were about to be clubbed by Santo Penguins' kneecapping sticks. I judged that he had slain 500 Santo Penguins at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, there were only 59 Santo Penguins left, while we had lost only 5 Rebel Penguins. These Santo Penguins fled, and we, who were exhausted by the battle, did not bother to chase them. We rested, in preparation for the coming day.
Late at night, we heard a horn blowing in the distance. However, they were not Il Mob Santo's horns. They were the horns of the AMPS!
Smashery led about 700 AMPS Crusaders and offered to join the fight. Greatly relieved, we thanked him, and bade him rest.
The next day, we got up and prepared for battle. Half an hour after we were prepared for battle, we heard the horn of Il Mob Santo again, and we saw 50,000 Santo Penguins charging at us.
The 101st would later learn that these penguins were the Immortals. They were penguins who were in the most tune with the ascended energy than any other penguins (Besides Asceso) in Il Mob Santo. They were incredibly hard to kill, and they would smash through an ordinary army like rice paper.
However, the 101st were not a normal army. The 101st has been trained in the most advanced battle tactics of this century, and again slain many penguins. In a single, glorious fight, I killed the Uber-Immortal, the strongest of the Immortals.
The Immortals did more damage than the other Santo penguins did, but we only lost about 80 Rebel Penguins and 20 Crusaders, while in contrast they lost 49,990 of the Immortals. Not so Immortal anymore, don't you think?
We rested and got up again for Day 3 of the battle. However, we were waiting for a full hour before we heard the horn of Il Mob Santo again. This time, the full fury of 1,000,000 Santo Penguins came down upon us! Also, they came from the East and the West via a secret path we were not aware of. To make matters worse, Pygoscelis Asceso himself lead them!
We knew then that the end was near. However, Penguidas I shouted, "Overlord, get your penguins out of here! My 300 will hold them back!"
"You crazy nut, you'll be killed!" I shouted back.
"Just do it, we need more forces to fight another day!" Penguidas retorted.
I grudgingly shouted, "Fall back! FALL BACK!!"
The 101st evacuated, but Smashery refused to leave. "I will not abandon a fellow crusader!" he yelled, and launched his division against Il Mob Santo.
Thanks to Penguidas and Smashery, the 101st managed to escape. However, it would be several weeks before we would hear what happened to these brave crusaders. 101st scouts reported that The Valley of Ethermopylat was covered with crusader corpses. All were killed, including Penguidas and Smashery. From what we could tell, they were personally killed by Pygoscelis Asceso.
We mourned these two brave warriors like none other, and we would remember the 300 with honor, passing the story of their incredible heroism to our children, and they would pass it down to their children, for many generations to come.
'The death that a Crusader meets with at home is censurable. Death on one's bed at home is highly sinful. The man who casts away his bod in battle obtains great glory. He is no man who dies miserably weeping in pain, afflicted by disease and decay, in the midst of crying kinsmen.'
Our Noble and valiant Zerofive1 has met his end on the fields of glory slaying the vile mob penguins and earning himself a place among the chosen at the Fiddlers' Green. May Jick rest his soul."
After the funeral, Mob Penguin Soprano called me on the phone and asked me to come quickly to the Valley of Ethermopylat, due to a situation developing there. I excused myself from the other knights, and traveled there with Al Capone.
The Valley of Ethermopylat is a valley beyond the Valley beyond the Orc Chasm. About 7,000 Rebel Penguins were gathered there, including 300 Penguins of one of my most brilliant generals, Penguidas I.
Penguidas I came up to me and said, "Il Mob Santo has gathered forces near here and is marching towards Mt. McLargeHuge. We built a large wall of Grimacite to block their arrival in the north, so they will be forced to attack from the East, a heavily defensible area. There, the defenses are so strong that their numbers will count for nothing. Their arrival should be soon; we need to prepare to fight."
As soon as Penguidas finished speaking, a horn blew in the distance. It was not an AMPS call, or a Special Forces call. I knew then that it must be Il Mob Santos!
I rallied the penguins, and all was ready. I shouted toward the army, "You are soldiers of Loathing! You will stand your ground, whatever comes through the pass of the East. Remember, this is a sword-day, a red day, ERE THE SUN RISES!!"
The Rebel Penguins roared, and we then saw an attack force of 10,000 Santo Penguins charging towards us.
Despite the fact that we were outnumbered greatly, we fought gloriously. Penguidas I in particular blasted every Santo Penguin that got in his way. Several times he risked his own life to save Rebel Penguins who were about to be clubbed by Santo Penguins' kneecapping sticks. I judged that he had slain 500 Santo Penguins at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, there were only 59 Santo Penguins left, while we had lost only 5 Rebel Penguins. These Santo Penguins fled, and we, who were exhausted by the battle, did not bother to chase them. We rested, in preparation for the coming day.
Late at night, we heard a horn blowing in the distance. However, they were not Il Mob Santo's horns. They were the horns of the AMPS!
Smashery led about 700 AMPS Crusaders and offered to join the fight. Greatly relieved, we thanked him, and bade him rest.
The next day, we got up and prepared for battle. Half an hour after we were prepared for battle, we heard the horn of Il Mob Santo again, and we saw 50,000 Santo Penguins charging at us.
The 101st would later learn that these penguins were the Immortals. They were penguins who were in the most tune with the ascended energy than any other penguins (Besides Asceso) in Il Mob Santo. They were incredibly hard to kill, and they would smash through an ordinary army like rice paper.
However, the 101st were not a normal army. The 101st has been trained in the most advanced battle tactics of this century, and again slain many penguins. In a single, glorious fight, I killed the Uber-Immortal, the strongest of the Immortals.
The Immortals did more damage than the other Santo penguins did, but we only lost about 80 Rebel Penguins and 20 Crusaders, while in contrast they lost 49,990 of the Immortals. Not so Immortal anymore, don't you think?
We rested and got up again for Day 3 of the battle. However, we were waiting for a full hour before we heard the horn of Il Mob Santo again. This time, the full fury of 1,000,000 Santo Penguins came down upon us! Also, they came from the East and the West via a secret path we were not aware of. To make matters worse, Pygoscelis Asceso himself lead them!
We knew then that the end was near. However, Penguidas I shouted, "Overlord, get your penguins out of here! My 300 will hold them back!"
"You crazy nut, you'll be killed!" I shouted back.
"Just do it, we need more forces to fight another day!" Penguidas retorted.
I grudgingly shouted, "Fall back! FALL BACK!!"
The 101st evacuated, but Smashery refused to leave. "I will not abandon a fellow crusader!" he yelled, and launched his division against Il Mob Santo.
Thanks to Penguidas and Smashery, the 101st managed to escape. However, it would be several weeks before we would hear what happened to these brave crusaders. 101st scouts reported that The Valley of Ethermopylat was covered with crusader corpses. All were killed, including Penguidas and Smashery. From what we could tell, they were personally killed by Pygoscelis Asceso.
We mourned these two brave warriors like none other, and we would remember the 300 with honor, passing the story of their incredible heroism to our children, and they would pass it down to their children, for many generations to come.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
The Grim Crusade
Story by Romeisburning
It was indeed a gloomy day in the clan hall. It was crowded with many glorious knights who wanted nothing more than to rid the world of tyranny and injustice. The head of the clan, Kuthulazrah, walked through the crowd to the pedestal in the front of the hall and proclaimed thusly: "Noble knights, today's circumstance is hardly what could be called overwhelming. The mob stands out there at the Grim Grimacite Site, waiting for the attack. And you know what? They're terrified of us, and they should be. This is even more a reason to go out there and eradicate them from this planet and banish them to the underworld where they belong."
At that, the knights thrust their glimmering arms toward the sky. The knights marched in a uniform rank to the battlefield. A scouting party preceded the majority of the force to search for any hidden threats. This party consisted of two of the most skilled warriors, Rome and Penguin Overlord, who actually was a mob penguin long ago.
"What do you think is out there, Rome?" Overlord, the wielder of the legendary Drowsy Sword, asked Rome.
"Not very much. The concentration of them shouldn't be too high out here," replied Rome, the clan's lone archer.
Just then, Rome fired an arrow high into the sky out of boredom only to hear the pained yelp of a dying mob penguin. The scouts stopped immediately and heard the scampering of little feet in the distance getting louder and louder.
"Charge!" they screamed. The main force rushed in to assist the lone scouts. Not conforming to the same organized rankings of the clan, they were no match for the knights. The slaughter began.
At the end, every mob penguin was vanquished with minor injury to the knights. Reunited at their clan hall, Kuth made another speech over the battle:
"Dear knights, today's victory was a great one! We must tell this tale to our posterity so that they can tell it to their children. Let this day be a beacon of hope in this war against the dreaded mob! We have claimed the Grim Grimicite Site today, and it shall become a valuable subdivision of our territory. As our next action, we must formally declare war on the infernal mob so that we can end this once and for all!"
The knights gave their consent by cheering in ecstasy and unison. As the celebration ended, the planning began.
It was indeed a gloomy day in the clan hall. It was crowded with many glorious knights who wanted nothing more than to rid the world of tyranny and injustice. The head of the clan, Kuthulazrah, walked through the crowd to the pedestal in the front of the hall and proclaimed thusly: "Noble knights, today's circumstance is hardly what could be called overwhelming. The mob stands out there at the Grim Grimacite Site, waiting for the attack. And you know what? They're terrified of us, and they should be. This is even more a reason to go out there and eradicate them from this planet and banish them to the underworld where they belong."
At that, the knights thrust their glimmering arms toward the sky. The knights marched in a uniform rank to the battlefield. A scouting party preceded the majority of the force to search for any hidden threats. This party consisted of two of the most skilled warriors, Rome and Penguin Overlord, who actually was a mob penguin long ago.
"What do you think is out there, Rome?" Overlord, the wielder of the legendary Drowsy Sword, asked Rome.
"Not very much. The concentration of them shouldn't be too high out here," replied Rome, the clan's lone archer.
Just then, Rome fired an arrow high into the sky out of boredom only to hear the pained yelp of a dying mob penguin. The scouts stopped immediately and heard the scampering of little feet in the distance getting louder and louder.
"Charge!" they screamed. The main force rushed in to assist the lone scouts. Not conforming to the same organized rankings of the clan, they were no match for the knights. The slaughter began.
At the end, every mob penguin was vanquished with minor injury to the knights. Reunited at their clan hall, Kuth made another speech over the battle:
"Dear knights, today's victory was a great one! We must tell this tale to our posterity so that they can tell it to their children. Let this day be a beacon of hope in this war against the dreaded mob! We have claimed the Grim Grimicite Site today, and it shall become a valuable subdivision of our territory. As our next action, we must formally declare war on the infernal mob so that we can end this once and for all!"
The knights gave their consent by cheering in ecstasy and unison. As the celebration ended, the planning began.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Penguin Overlords story of insight
(The following story is told in whole by Penguin Overlord. Some may doubt his character, or truthfulness. But at this time I have no reason not to believe his recounting of events.)
My arrival:
It was a bright, clear day at the Penguin Mafia clan administration room. As I was working, I learned that The Don's Family had betrayed me, and had sent a group of Mob Penguin thugs to finish the job. They burst into the administration room, believing that victory was in sight. It was 20 of them versus me.
....You really had to feel sorry for them.
Unknown to the penguins, I had set up a trap in case such an event as the penguins coming to attack me. This trap was in the form of Al Capone (my Penguin Goodfella) holding a plexiglass pith helmet out to the Mob. The Mob turned around to see it, and when their backs were turned, they started screaming in pain, as they were blinded from the shininess of the helmet.
I then took out my chrome sword and sliced off a Mob Penguin's head. 9 more were dead before the Mob realized what was happening, and could get over being blinded by the Pith helmet. They turned on me, but I tossed a few Goodfella contracts at Al Capone, who broke 5 Mob Penguin's kneecaps.
3 more lunged at me, but they unfortunately missed and went right through the window and fell.... 50 feet down.
The last two realized they were in trouble. As one penguin searched for his cell phone, I stabbed him in the heart, and took his kneecapping stick. The last penguin was attempting to call for reinforcements, but Al Capone shot the cell phone with a blundarrrbus, and I smashed the penguin's head with the other penguin's kneecapping stick.
I realized I was no longer safe at the clan, so I packed up, transfered leadership of the clan to Foogy, and then left.
As I was walking, I realized that Kuthulazrah was right -- The Penguin Mafia was, indeed, a threat to the Kingdom, and they must be stopped before it is too late. I therefore went to the Anti Mob Penguin Society, and applied to be in the clan.
Now that I have been accepted, I will fight on for the freedom of the Kingdom until The Penguin mafia are defeated, or that I fall in combat. May the rivers of Mob Penguin blood run deep!
-Penguin Overlord
My arrival:
It was a bright, clear day at the Penguin Mafia clan administration room. As I was working, I learned that The Don's Family had betrayed me, and had sent a group of Mob Penguin thugs to finish the job. They burst into the administration room, believing that victory was in sight. It was 20 of them versus me.
....You really had to feel sorry for them.
Unknown to the penguins, I had set up a trap in case such an event as the penguins coming to attack me. This trap was in the form of Al Capone (my Penguin Goodfella) holding a plexiglass pith helmet out to the Mob. The Mob turned around to see it, and when their backs were turned, they started screaming in pain, as they were blinded from the shininess of the helmet.
I then took out my chrome sword and sliced off a Mob Penguin's head. 9 more were dead before the Mob realized what was happening, and could get over being blinded by the Pith helmet. They turned on me, but I tossed a few Goodfella contracts at Al Capone, who broke 5 Mob Penguin's kneecaps.
3 more lunged at me, but they unfortunately missed and went right through the window and fell.... 50 feet down.
The last two realized they were in trouble. As one penguin searched for his cell phone, I stabbed him in the heart, and took his kneecapping stick. The last penguin was attempting to call for reinforcements, but Al Capone shot the cell phone with a blundarrrbus, and I smashed the penguin's head with the other penguin's kneecapping stick.
I realized I was no longer safe at the clan, so I packed up, transfered leadership of the clan to Foogy, and then left.
As I was walking, I realized that Kuthulazrah was right -- The Penguin Mafia was, indeed, a threat to the Kingdom, and they must be stopped before it is too late. I therefore went to the Anti Mob Penguin Society, and applied to be in the clan.
Now that I have been accepted, I will fight on for the freedom of the Kingdom until The Penguin mafia are defeated, or that I fall in combat. May the rivers of Mob Penguin blood run deep!
-Penguin Overlord
Friday, August 17, 2007
Octarine Haze
It was a dark and stormy night. Well actually it wasn't so dark anymore, or night. And I guess it wasn't "stormy" either, maybe just really humid now. But it was a dark and stormy night about 2 hours ago, just nothing interesting really happened till after that and "It was an overcast soggy morning" just doesn't have the same appeal.......anyways, I was in silent contemplation before my morning constitutional. A soft octarine glow was in the air.
Octarine I should explain is the fabled eighth colour, the colour of magic. Unseen by the average eye, that being because the average eye consists of rods and cones that are used to see. Mages develop the addition of octagons, thus expanding their colour spectrum to include octarine. It is best described as a greenish-yellowish purple colour......you kinda gotta see it to understand......anyways, back to the story.
Through the octarine haze I foresaw a lone adventurer, an old friend, Will approaching the AMPS door. I instinctively reached for my sword to rush there, knowing full well the door was monitored by the insidious penguin mafia, and that all those daring enough to oppose their wickedness and join our ranks would not do so unmolested (get your mind out of the gutter (sicko)). But I also was aware the my friend is no fool. He had himself decked out in crusader garb, and carrying a crusader helmet. I casually began a leisurely walk down the 8 flights of stairs to the front door.
In the mean time 8 mob penguins had surrounded Will. He calmly donned his helmet and drew his sword. The penguins believing they had the edge by superior numbers wore a mephistophelian grin as they began their attack. Alas, today was not their day, fore Will possessed an element you wont find on any periodic table, an element that gives such an edge even the gods themselves fear it. That element is surprise, and Will possessed this element because of a cheap toaster he had inconspicuously implanted into his crusader helmet. This element revealed itself as a piece of toast ricocheted of a mob penguins forehead. The surprise barely had time to sink in to the penguins insidious mind before Wills sword had time to sink in to his chest, which was even more surprising to the soon to be lifeless penguin. Three more penguins fell before the mob regained its wits. The three penguins to the left marshaled an attack. It is hard to understand till it happens to you, just how distracting a piece of toast bouncing off your head in the middle of a battle can be. But it is mush less disconcerting than your head bouncing off your shoulders in the middle of a battle can be, like the three attacking penguins found out straight away.
I opened the door to welcome my friend. He presented me with the final attackers still beating heart. "May Boris smile upon thee" he said handing me the heart upon entering our HQ. "May the Great Jick smile upon thee!" I replied, smugly watching the last penguins heartless corpse fall to the ground lifeless.
It was a bright, clear, fortuitous day.
Octarine I should explain is the fabled eighth colour, the colour of magic. Unseen by the average eye, that being because the average eye consists of rods and cones that are used to see. Mages develop the addition of octagons, thus expanding their colour spectrum to include octarine. It is best described as a greenish-yellowish purple colour......you kinda gotta see it to understand......anyways, back to the story.
Through the octarine haze I foresaw a lone adventurer, an old friend, Will approaching the AMPS door. I instinctively reached for my sword to rush there, knowing full well the door was monitored by the insidious penguin mafia, and that all those daring enough to oppose their wickedness and join our ranks would not do so unmolested (get your mind out of the gutter (sicko)). But I also was aware the my friend is no fool. He had himself decked out in crusader garb, and carrying a crusader helmet. I casually began a leisurely walk down the 8 flights of stairs to the front door.
In the mean time 8 mob penguins had surrounded Will. He calmly donned his helmet and drew his sword. The penguins believing they had the edge by superior numbers wore a mephistophelian grin as they began their attack. Alas, today was not their day, fore Will possessed an element you wont find on any periodic table, an element that gives such an edge even the gods themselves fear it. That element is surprise, and Will possessed this element because of a cheap toaster he had inconspicuously implanted into his crusader helmet. This element revealed itself as a piece of toast ricocheted of a mob penguins forehead. The surprise barely had time to sink in to the penguins insidious mind before Wills sword had time to sink in to his chest, which was even more surprising to the soon to be lifeless penguin. Three more penguins fell before the mob regained its wits. The three penguins to the left marshaled an attack. It is hard to understand till it happens to you, just how distracting a piece of toast bouncing off your head in the middle of a battle can be. But it is mush less disconcerting than your head bouncing off your shoulders in the middle of a battle can be, like the three attacking penguins found out straight away.
I opened the door to welcome my friend. He presented me with the final attackers still beating heart. "May Boris smile upon thee" he said handing me the heart upon entering our HQ. "May the Great Jick smile upon thee!" I replied, smugly watching the last penguins heartless corpse fall to the ground lifeless.
It was a bright, clear, fortuitous day.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Battle of Delms Heap
The outlook was bleak my friends. We were backed into a corner at Delms Heap. Wave after wave of mafia forces had assaulted our position through the night. Good times stood to my left with a gapping wound on his arm. Hammer, blood soaked to my right, could barely stand because of strikes to both legs. Portable Nut to my aft, wobbled bravely and defiantly. The last assault had been particularly fierce to her position, which had weakened her severely. And here I stood, helmet buried somewhere among the piled corpses of penguins before us, with quite a large gash across my face bleeding profusely.
To say we were in dire straights would be putting it lightly. The mob forces had drawn back and regrouped, like a snake preparing to strike. And they did! They began their ascent up Delms Heap in full fury. But providence was with us and the attack was stopped short. Those lights from the east had belonged to a bitchin' meatcar, that was forthwith running the little devils down. Surprise, fear, and then panic swept through the mob forces (a bitchin' meatcar trying to run your ass over will often have that affect on you) and soon the enemy was thuroughly routed!
We waded our tattered, weary, and bloodied souls through the piles of penguin (and decieved loathers who supported the don (not anymore tho)) corpses to our savior of the day, who was kneeling to us upon our arrival at his car. This most humble and noble warrior was Zerofive1 wishing to join our ranks. We heartily welcomed him! That was tho on the contingency that he drive us posthast to Doc Galaktiks. He obliged us heartily.
The Rivers Of Penguin Blood ARE running deep!
To say we were in dire straights would be putting it lightly. The mob forces had drawn back and regrouped, like a snake preparing to strike. And they did! They began their ascent up Delms Heap in full fury. But providence was with us and the attack was stopped short. Those lights from the east had belonged to a bitchin' meatcar, that was forthwith running the little devils down. Surprise, fear, and then panic swept through the mob forces (a bitchin' meatcar trying to run your ass over will often have that affect on you) and soon the enemy was thuroughly routed!
We waded our tattered, weary, and bloodied souls through the piles of penguin (and decieved loathers who supported the don (not anymore tho)) corpses to our savior of the day, who was kneeling to us upon our arrival at his car. This most humble and noble warrior was Zerofive1 wishing to join our ranks. We heartily welcomed him! That was tho on the contingency that he drive us posthast to Doc Galaktiks. He obliged us heartily.
The Rivers Of Penguin Blood ARE running deep!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Glum days
Tis sad days my friends. The Grim Grimacite Site has been locked up tight. Our forces are looking at ways to bypass the new security grid, but have been unsuccessful so far. Today I walked up to the front gate, was greeted by a Mob Penguin Smith and (of course) told to leave. Without saying a thing I punched into his chest, grabbed his cold little penguin heart, and ripped it out. He stood there and watched (albeit slightly dazed) as i popped it like a water balloon. I turned in disgust and walked away as his lifeless body dropped to the ground...........that was the only bright spot to my day. Bloody damned penguins.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Grimm Sights
I was prowling the Grim Grimacite Site for victims in this holy war, and came across a Mob Penguin Supervisor. He quickly dialed his phone for bruisers to come save his ass. They wouldn't make it in time. They would however make it in time to see me offering his evil, wicked heart to the gods (Jick be blessed). The two Mob Penguin Smashers responding to the supervisors call thought they were creeping upon me caught in the throws of rapture from my sacrifice. I almost felt sorry for the foul fowls as they slowly stalked towards me, unaware of their fate. A second later their heads rolled past, aptly removed by Badgerman of Doom hiding in the shadows. A smile crept across my face, nothing is more invigorating than the demise of these vile creatures.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Praise be to Jick
Finally my friends, open war! The beaches are running red with the vile blood of the penguin mafia. The gods have smiled upon us, and the penguins are dying by the thousands. Praise be to the Epic Jick. As we say in the Anti Mob Penguin Society "May the rivers of penguin blood run deep!" Slay on my dear brothers, slay on.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Foreboding Times
Mark my words my friend this new evil on the horizon (NS13) does not bode well for us. The evil and malicious penguin mafia will again be at our throats! Stand united now or we will forever be lost to their avian ways.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Dark and rainy night
They thought the had me cornered, a dark alley, a rainy night, and nail studded kneecapping sticks. Little did they know that they were the prey. I turned and smiled a smug and wide mischievous smile, signaling portable_nut and hammer to pounce on these wicked little peons. Their pathetic little lives ended quick and painful. Just the way I like it for them.
The sooner this penguin menace is crushed the better. And the more pain I can put them in before sending them back to the hell whence they came, even more the better!
The sooner this penguin menace is crushed the better. And the more pain I can put them in before sending them back to the hell whence they came, even more the better!
Friday, May 11, 2007
The Don
The "Don" sent his heinous minions to "silence" me. It was a glorious failure. I sent 2 back home (missing one wing each) with the heads of the other four to relay a message to the Evil Don that I didnt appreciate that he felt only 6 of his scoundrels were enough to get the job done.
I hear he decapitated the 2 I sent back.
That was some cheery news in this long and drawn out gloomy war.
I hear he decapitated the 2 I sent back.
That was some cheery news in this long and drawn out gloomy war.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
The war
My friends watch yourselves. The penguin menace is growing stronger by the day. Stand now or you shall live on your knees to this avian demon spawn. Turning a blind eye to their wickedness will not make it alright, it will not somehow make the evil disappear. We must face this waddling threat now!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Unappreciated
Another day of fighting down the drain. Stopped an important penguin smuggler from bringing tainted hell ramen into the kingdom. Saving countless lives, where is the "thank you", where is the "job well done"......there is none. The masses just continue their monotonous lives, their daily meat farming, without a thought as to the terrible threat that exists just below the surface that is about to rise up and drag them down to the depths of hell.
such is the life of a penguin slayer
such is the life of a penguin slayer
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